last five entries

host - email - older- newest - profile - notes

Dear former reliable car

2004-07-28 - time to do a 180

Dear Former Reliable Car, a.k.a. Dodge DieNasty,

I guess until now I haven't had the opportunity to put into words what to say. This is not a bash you letter, but I did want to let you know that although I've appreciated you hanging in there, I have found that your services will no longer be necessary. Also, I have found another car that is stable, and more reliable. And black. There is no competition. The story's over. You didn't lose, you were just too dangerous, do you understand what I'm saying? Somehow

You ended up in my driveway

a machine I really grew to like

but yet my new significant other

is as quiet as a 10 speed bike

I don't want to go on about this, but for your sake I want to make clear that you aren't being replaced, someone else does want you. That someone just isn't me. You are a fossil, a Flintstone. No more coughing up black smoke from your oily lungs. Here, I wrote something for you. Originally I wrote it for a former supervisor who died, but I think it's interchangeable.

Goodbye

One never knows the answer

To what degree one is affected by another

Until a time comes

To put that question into action

And I don't believe

It is possible

To span the length of

What you've come to mean to me

During the time

I crossed paths with yours (when you nearly backed over me)

What you have given me

And what I will take with me

Countless patience

Knowledge

Acceptance

Love for life (and maybe a pejorative vocabulary)

I respected you as teacher

Regarded you as friend (although not to your face, sorry)

And you gave more to me

Than you had to

I will remember you

And I want to thank you

You etched yourself

A place in me

- I do love you, Ohell

It turns out I did receive a reply from Dodge. To be fair, I agreed to post his reply following my goodbye letter. He starts:

To The Woman I Find It Painful To Call My Owner For One More Minute,

Do you know what, missy? I did the best I could. I gave all of me, all of me that hadn't already fallen off, of course. Sometimes giving the best of oneself seems, to the outside world, almost limited. Lacking. I heard your frineds talking. But really, with all of my obvious external flaws (the manual blinker, the hanging inner door handles) I am truly sorry that I do not match up to your new exotic dark friend. I really am. Don't you think it hurt me too, every time we had to hear an empathetic driver yell " Your gas cap is open!" from the road? Don't you think I died a little every time you cursed me for a weakling, refusing to call me by my God given name, relying instead upon cheap slang slop like cripple lean, wanker, or fucking stupid car?

I can best exemplify my feelings with the lyrics to a song you may well know. It has helped me immeasurably in this confusing time when abandonment and loss reign free around here .I also abhor the slow creeping suspicion I had, that you have not only chosen another, but have done so without my knowledge, even when I asked you, that day on the freeway. I didn't break down, I was making a point.

Not Gon' Cry - Mary J. Blige

(Vs.1)

While all the time that I was loving you

You were busy loving yourself

I would stop breathing if you told me to (not like I didn't)

Now you're busy loving someone else (Do you?)

Eleven years out of my life (well, seven)

Besides the kids I have nothing to show (dog hair = kids)

Wasted my years a fool of a wife ( a literary tool, clearly I'm male)

I shoulda have left your ass a long time ago

(Chorus)

Well I'm not gon cry,

I'm not gon cry,

I'm not gon shed no tears

No, I'm not gon cry,

it's not the time

cuz you're not worth my tears

Well I'm not gon cry,

I'm not gon cry,

I'm not gon shed no tears

No, I'm not gon cry,

it's not the time,

cuz you're not worth my tears

(Vs.2)

I was your lover and your secretary (your chauffeur, at best)

Working every day of the week

Was at the job when no one else was there

Helping you get on your feet

Eleven years of sacrifice

And you can leave me at the drop of a dime

Swallowed my fears, stood by your side

I shoulda left your ass a thousand times

(Chorus)

I know there are no guarantees

In love you take your chances

But somehow it seems unfair to me

Look at the circumstances

Through sickness and health 'till death do us part

Those were the words that we said from our hearts (at least one of us did, cough)

So now when you say that you're leaving me

I don't get that part

I love you too. P.S. He might be stable, but I'm like no one you will ever meet again.

~ Dodge. And the last name's Dynasty.

previous - next