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baby, bottle

2004-07-26 -

I'm not feeling really up about a few things, but it's not like it's anyone's concern but my own, so I'm going to skip on writing about it, your welcome.

I found this old list of things that I wrote ten years ago that happen to me when I drink and do substances, so that I wouldn't forget where I came from, should I ever want to again.

When I drink I

- am warped and distorted in my thoughts

- hide from people

- hate people

- think Satan is after me

- cannot go outside where others are having fun and playing b/c of two day hangovers

- think wackos look good to "hang out with"

- check shoeboxes for (mini) demons

- rob my relatives

- want to kill people

- run away with hippies

- get arrested

the rest is a little too personal to rehash on diaryland, maybe it would be more appropriate on uncomfortable momentland.

This guy has been telling me he can score me this fruit that I am experiencing great difficulty in getting, as he is a coordinator of one of the farmer's markets around here. I just knew he was my ace in the hole. Is that the correct term, I've never used it before. He assured me it was no problem , just - leave it to me, he said. And he also said , I'll get the fruit, I know farmer Coleman, he'll bring it special favor, I'll call you at work, we'll meet up at the store, bang. Here's your fruit. Ace in the hole went miniature golfing in the dark.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's me."

"Oh,hey."

"I saw the guy but it's looking like he didn't have any today."

"I'm sorry, who is this?"

"Jason."

"Jason!"

"Yeah. The fruit?"

"I know all about the fruit! So, no fruit? Can he maybe grow some? "

"Yeah...that's the thing. I don't think it's in season yet. "

"But I thought it was in season. I think - yeah, I'm pretty sure I was eating it last year, right around this time. I'm pretty sure it was to the day. What day is today?"

"The twenty sixth."

"Yep, it was the that date, but last year."

"I'm sorry, I thought it was in season."

"Well, it's not like you ever promised me a rose garden. Ha. "

"What was that?"

"I said I appreciate you trying for me."

***************************

behold the disclaimer// While I don't necessarily like to post about my younger brother, because I love him, I post about him here mainly because I do love him. And I think he's a jerk for making my family suffer. And if he lives through his addictions, afflictions, and low crouching behavior, I can laugh these posts off as those funny times you were a silly addict.

The cycle is that every few weeks or so, I get a call from one of my family members, telling me from NY, what he's doing here in L.A. Of the remaining members of the family that haven't written him off yet, the three of us do pretty well keeping his joker lifestyle intact out on the open phone. The girls in my dept. at work, while fairly empathetic for his welfare, think it's a pity that his looks are going to waste and that at minimum, he could be an expert trick turner for some old Beverly Hills broad. Sadly true. His new girlfriend person has been calling my father to tell him that he's going to be a grandfather. At four in the a.m. My brother told him don't listen to her she's crazy. Not that he would know crazy if it wrapped itself around his neck.

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