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no one said there'd be days like this

2011-09-16 -

So I work next door to Marnie, a woman on my floor who is very nice, and bubbly and talkative. She always pops her head in to say hello to me in the morning, and we chat about how cold I am because for some reason her office controls the air in my office. She's really nice about it, but when it gets to be too much I just go into her office and blow into my hands a few times, like I'm outside in a snowstorm. That lets her know I mean business and we talk about her thermostat settings again. Sometimes she'll tell me she's sick and "can't feel the cold" but then I'll touch her arm with my icicle hand and that usually conveys a message.

A few weeks ago, knowing that I live in a neighborhood that someone she knows also lives in, she mentioned casually that she should introduce the two of us. Apparently he and his wife also have two dogs and would probably be up for a hike with us. I said "sounds good", and forgot about it. So on my way to the tea station the following week, I bumped into her walking with a tall gaunt looking man in a mustache, and she grabbed me.

"This is him! This is Marshall!"

I didn't know what she meant. I had completely forgotten, or maybe I didn't care to remember.

Marshall lives in your neighborhood! WIth his wife and dogs!"

I was like, "Ohhhh! Marshall! I heard a lot of great stuff about you." He said he had also. I said - so you have dogs? He said yes, do you? I said yes. I thought about what my husband would think about him. And then there was dead silence.

My office neighbor then said "Well, I can see you all have lots to talk about! So glad I could introduce you!"

I said "Me too." and pictured her bursting in flames from the sparks off my portable space heater. Then she ran away and left us staring at each other awkwardly. I felt like I was on a blind date that I never agreed to go on.

Because it was so awkward, we ended up speaking for the next 25 minutes.

I said, I hear you have two dogs. And he said he did.

I said Marnie tells me you live in our area, and he said he did.

I said, well, two dogs - where do you guys hike?

And he said they didn't hike. And then he showed me their pictures, and they were white poodles, just sitting there with bows in their hair, looking tiny and stupid. He said they're too little to hike. And then he asked me how much my dogs weighed.

I said, 75 lbs and 89 lbs. Probably higher on the weekends.

He laughed. He said my dogs would probably overpower his dogs. I didn't mean for it to come out this way, but I said "Yeah they'd kill your dogs, probably eat them both as soon as you turned your back."

He didn't laugh at that, and neither did I.

A few times, someone I knew would walk by us and smile, and I'd smile, and wince.

By the end of our conversation, I was certain he was gay, and felt really bad for his wife. We exchanged numbers, and then he texted me an hour later to give me his number. I tried to think of something we could all do together, but couldn't think of one thing, except seeing how long it would take for our dogs to destroy theirs.

Weeks have gone by, and I saw him the other day, coming out of the same elevator I was waiting for.

He said hi, and I said hi.

I got on the elevator, and he got off of it.

How are you? Fine. Fine. Good!

And then without thinking, I said

"How are your dogs? They still alive?"

He just looked at me. And then the elevator door closed.

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