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Darlene, Charlene, Cheyenne

2004-04-22 - 6:39 p.m.

I got a letter from my friend Andreas in Arizona, I wrote about him here a few weeks ago, he's in prison for his off kilter behavior, and he knows he deserved it. In the meantime, he became an ordained minister and is still sober. Here I quote:

"I minister to people every day, on the go and one on one sitting. I do regular Bible studies w/ some also. I really touched a man down 25 for murder the other day. God gives me the ability and I speak on his behalf. I learn the scriptures just like I learned the A.A. big book. Do you have a bible? (nope) If so do you read it?" (nope)

When we lived in that trailer in Tucson, I met a girl through him named Darlene. She was really simple, and her and her husband had a trailer, although I must say it wasn't as nice as ours, but it was lived in. Her husband was a guy who worked at my above mentioned friend's tire shop, and they had two kids, Cheyene and I forgot the other one's name. Boy and a girl, they were beautiful, maybe a little unkept, but there was love in that trailer. Darlene had a kind of southern accent, and she was a smoker, so we had that in common till I quit, and she used to eat a lot of greasy fast food and drink a lot of big gulp sodas in huge plastic things with ice that she always kept in the front seat with her while she drove with the kids to the Hometown Buffet or the drive through chicken shack. I liked that about her. She really took to me, and although we were two totally different people, we really got along . She was so down to earth and was really naive and simple. Darlene on eating:

"Cheyene! Come here so I can change yer diaper and then we're fixin to eat."

Darlene on her husband:

"He's a fuckin' cheatin' bastard and I know it, I just know it. I'm about sick of him right about now...and I'll leave and take these kids maybe live with my sister. She lives down the block with her family, but it's a double wide so there's room."

Adam on Darlene:

"Damn it woman, shut up I didn't do nothin to you. No you shut up. You're just a whining Winnie again. I work all day and this is what I get. Gash, I'm not cheatin on you." (he was)

Even when I left Arizona Darlene would ask about me and write to me. I loved her letters because they would say things I haven't heard since junior high like "love ya like a sis" and "friends forever". I've been saying for years that I'm going to go back and visit her. I've fantasized that we would eat anything deep fried and french fries and I could see what it's like to drink that much soda, maybe catch a buzz. Town - population around a few hundred.

So now that my friend Andreas is in one place, I wrote to him and told him to find Darlene, so the two of us could come visit and say hi. Why do people always have to be unavailable when you're finally ready for them!

Here again I quote:

"About Darlene. I didn't ignore your question about bringing her to come see me here, I just didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. The last I saw Darlene she weighed about 80 lbs. She was all sketched out on meth. She was filthy dirty, had lost both her kids to Adam. Adam loves those kids and takes wonderful care of them, he remarried. Darlene married E.L. (the one who may have killed my wife) he was a former D.O.C. cop who got caught smuggling drugs to prisoners. He eventually went to D.O.C. himself, got out, and is now back in protective custody."

Well I guess I don't know what to say about all that. I feel as though one of my dreams have been dashed. I was really visualizing this trip for some time. Maybe if she visited him at the prison he could give her an AA talk and throw in a bible study for effect. I'm sad.

I've been listening to this song a lot lately by Anthony Hamilton, it's called "Charlene" and it's a really beautiful R&B song, although no one I've spoken to seems to share the sentiment. Now when I hear it'll remind me of Darlene, maybe because it rhymes with Charlene, maybe because they're both sad stories. Then I think of Cheyenne, maybe because it sounds like Charlene, maybe because that's not nice to think he lost Darlene to meth, maybe permanently.

"Charlene"

Woke up this morning found a letter that she wrote

She said she's tired that I'm always on the road

To hard to swallow being alone

She needs someone at night that she can hold

She must have told me a thousand times before

Silent cries I use to ignore

God knows I love her

Didn't mean to hurt her

Baby I'll be

Sitting here waiting on you to come home again

I won't leave

Promise I'll be here to the very end

By your side

To protect you and to love you and to be with you for life

Come on home to me Charlene

She knows I really love this old music thang

Since I was a child it's been my dream

I can support her treat her and spoil her

You know buy her the finer things

But I forgot about loving her

Damn the money, diamonds and pearls

What about the hard day she had with the baby

All she need is for me to love her

Baby I'll be

Sitting here waiting on you to come home again

I won't leave

Promise I'll be here to the very end

By your side

To protect you and to love you and be with you for life

Come on home to me Charlene

Promise I can't live without her

God knows I need her loving

And it hurts so bad that's she gone

I pray that she'll come back one day

In my life

Baby I'll be

Sitting here waiting on you to come home again

I won't leave

Promise I'll be here to the very end

By your side

To protect you and to love you and be with you for life

Come on home to me Darlene

Oh oh oh

Sometimes I cry

Charlene if you're listening would you call on me

Because my heart is aching

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