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day after Valentines day

2004-02-15 - time to get ill

My boss gave me this animal rights movie to watch and when I first put it on there's a rooster on it cackling or whatever they do. And it kicked off some other rooster in my neighborhood because it started cackling back.

Opening night of the restaurant was good last night. It was Valentine's day holiday and I didn't care. I used to see these guys in elementary school killing themselves on Valentine's day to win a prepubescent girl a stiff carnival dog with plastic ears. She'd say no when he tried to approach her anyway, probably because her body looked identical to his at 12, and that's just weird. On Valentine's day in 5th grade someone anonymously got me a smurf holding a waterhose that you could pump, and it haunted me for years. I never liked getting stuffed animals or stuffed anytthing. I felt like saying, that's really not cute though.

Anyway, the two girls I work with are really funny and we laughed the whole time. This English guy came in by himself, I guess he just wanted to chat because he was there almost until we closed. He asked me if I knew Cockney slang, which naturally I'm sure he knew I didn't. I didn't say I wanted to learn it either but he was going to tell me anyway.

"Okay right? This is code here. The two last words rhyme. For example, apple cart is a tart. Barnett fair's your hair. And north south is your mouth."

I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about or why he was here. So I said okay, "I'm leaving the table here, this is queer."

"No, no no, that's not the code. Pig's ear is beer. Get it? "

"I don't know what the hell you're saying! I don't. Why are you speaking code if everyone in England already knows it?"

"Cause people here don't always know the code. But when they do, that's bloody good." And then he had to break it down. "App-ple cart is a tart."

What is a fucking tart? Is that a girl?

"Right! It's a girl. But when you get really good you can just say apple. And mince pies is eyes. Like that apple has nice mince."

I finally got it but I didn't care, was all.

Today I bumped into my old roommate (who lives next door, the one who took the two cats I adopted) He was walking back to the apt. complex with a girl/woman. Normally I wouldn't say he was hooking up with her, she didn't seem his type and was MUCH MUCH bigger than he was, but I remembered his fetish. She had them. East wests.

He doesn't only like a big rack, he has a penchant for the largest possible ones you can imagine, like the ones you see on talk shows, where the girl has to carry them in wheelbarrows. He finds these women and completely "loses himself" in their chest, and then he never sees them again. One time I asked him what his biggest catch was and he said L. I gauged this one to be about an H. She has no idea.

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