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life is short. This isn't.

2004-01-07 - 8:13 p.m.

I was freaked out by a spider the other night, so instead of putting him outside, I covered him with a cobalt blue wine glass (upside down). Then, three days later, I realized he'd probably starve or worse yet live. So I cringed and lifted the cup, and he was still. But alive. I felt so bad. I left the apt and when I came back he was gone.

Someone at my job is going to be fired. And I think it's one of the four people in my dept. But I don't think it's me, because today I asked the owner of my company if he gives loans, and he said, Why? I told him I need help getting financed because I need another car. He said, Yeah your hubcap(s) fell off. I said no, I gave them away. He said What's it worth, a few hundred? Ha ha. I said It was more a few years ago. He said figure out how much it's worth, how much you want to put down, and how much money you need and we'll talk, I have a few finance connections.

My life is really good I think I just buy too much stuff. I like the feeling of coming home with bags in my hand, who cares what's in them. I like unpacking them. And it's fun having more bags to carry then you can hold. And I agree that consumerism is horrible, so I try to shop at second hand stores a lot. But not for food. I go overboard on the organic food, and I think every fruit and vegetable has been dipped and radioactivated if it's not from the farmer. Fuck everybody I think there are simply too many things to keep up with. A lot of times I thank God for sight or hearing because I'm afraid I'll lose them, and if he thinks I'm not grateful, he may drop them from my options.

Finally, my next door neighbor in this complex who I got into a fight with the other week, apologized to me. After I did. I figure life's too short or so. He was hosing down his car in the same parking space we got into the argument over. When I pulled up, he motioned to me that "I can move the hose." I said no no don't bother it's cool. He insisted, no really. When I got out, I said What are we, the courtesy crew now? Last week we were cursing and yelling and look at us. I apologize. Bla blibbity bla. He said yeah I'm sorry too. We all have days, I said, as I tried to walk briskly away because anything else we said would just be silly. He mumbled some lie about how some days are hard, and I stopped listening and fake laughed.

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