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cringe factor 10

2004-01-02 - 1:49 p.m.

I finally got a vcr. Dvd player. Whatever. It has both. They've only been making them since the 80's. The first thing I watched was the only thing I have. When I lived in Tucson, this guy started a comedy troupe, and he was a writer in it. They would broadcast the stuff they came up with on Public Access (sp) cable. Overall, it was not funny. Not even a little. Interestingly, it was called "Whatever's Funny." They should have called it "Whatever. It's Not Funny."

Anyway, I got a tape of the "writer's meeting" from the guy that started the group, to you know, see if I wanted to write with them. No. This was the tape I watched when I got the vcr dvd player. Here is a transcript of some of the writer's meeting:

All are seated around a huge round oak table. Camera rolling.

RON - So...welcome to whatever's funny. I know some of you are new, so...anyway. Anyone want to say anything?

(Silence)

MIKE -(actual Vietnam Vet but you would swear he wasn't) Uhhhm - I have an idea?

For - one of the shows. I could do some stand up.

RON - Great! How 'bout a sample?

MIKE - Samp - OK. Dija ever notice a funeral procession? Everyone gets out of your way, I don't know why. But...wouldn't it be nice if they could do that when you were alive?

(Silence)

RON - OK? SO why don't we introduce ourselves? I'm Ron.

BRENDA - I'm Brenda aaaand - I never - have done Comedy or anything, but a lot of people say I'm funny so...I guess we'll see. Hee hee.

BILL- I'm Bill. What's up. I'm here becauuuuse...I don't really know. (stretches out arms above head) I think I'm pretty funny.

SUSAN - He is. He is funny. I know him. You are funny. I'm Susan. I'm here because...I'm here with Bill.

BILL - And you're funny too.

SUSAN - I'm really not.

LEONARD - I'm Leonard. I've been writing comedy for...15 years. And I figured that I could come down here and help out, or brush up on my skills. I'm pretty excited for you guys, I think this is gonna be uhh great.

RON - Leonard. Why don't you show the gang what you've performed on stage recently?

Leonard - Umm. Recently. Oh, you mean at Tito's or at The Frog? Either? Umm...I have one I'm sorta workin' on. It gets a few laughs. It's like, I'm singin' a blues song like

MY BABY GONE AND LEFT ME

SHE AINT LEFT ME WITH NOTHIN

MY BABY LEFT ME AND I AINT BLUFFIN

SHE TOOK EVERYTHING

EVEN MY HARMONICA

I SAID LISTEN TO THIS Y'ALL

...then I play my hand like it's a harmonica, but it just sounds like Psssshhhh. You know, stuff like that.

SUSAN - Oh I get it!

So anyway. I'm watching this and wondering what happened to all these people. Ron is adorable, he's about 65 and he never really smiles, which is interesting also, and on the actual shows he does, during the break between one skit and the next one, he shuffles across the stage in a suit holding an accordian. A for ambition.

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