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the golden monkey

2013-09-22 - 8:37 p.m.

It�s not uncommon to wait an hour for a table at the restaurant we were at, even on a weeknight at 5pm. Hordes of people tend to show up in their work clothes or in sweat pants, grab a numbered ticket, and cram into the small waiting area, usually in groups of 5 or more. The dress code would be best described as �Come as you are, casual�. Many come to the place wearing what can only be described as their most comfortable looking pajamas. It�s a restaurant we come to a lot, and it�s one of the highest rated places in the area.

Kell is a friend of my husband�s, and is also now a friend of mine. I met him in the middle of the night a couple years ago when my husband woke me up to ask if it was ok if his friend Kell slept over, because he had locked himself out of his apartment. He was already standing outside our house, so it was a deal I couldn�t refuse. I liked him right away, he�s really sociable and hard not to like.

He agreed to do a test interview with me this week, so I could plan out the layout for a new interview site I�m starting. I know he loves video games, and plays them on his computer at home, whenever he can get his computer to work. We have Playstation, so I invited him to come and sleep over at our place again, where he can play all he wants. Before that though, we�re headed to Newport Tan Cang Seafood, a Taiwanese seafood place in the San Gabriel Valley.

So, Kell. Why did you choose this place?�

�I didn�t, you guys did.�

�Play along please.�

�I guess living in Asia for 8 years, I fell in love with the people and then with the food. (Pats his stomach). You can see I�m still in love with food. My brother�s a top LA chef, and my Dad was also. I read about this place and know what a great reputation they have, so I really wanted to experience it. And I have to say so far that I love the giant 5 foot crabs in the tank by the door up front. That�s killer.�

The busboy walked up to take our drink order. My interview guest suddenly came alive and started speaking to him in Chinese. They spoke for a minute, laughing, while my husband and I stared at them blankly and smiled.

When the waiter arrived, he was smallish and kind of mean looking, like a baby bird mixed with baby piranha. Kell tried him out with Chinese, but got a couple of choppy answers in return, so he switched to English.

�Hey man, do you happen to have those teeny tiny snails? They�re called Hon Duan?�

�Hon...Duan. No. I don�t think -�

�They�re reaaal tiny, man. Like mini tiny. By the way can I have a watermelon slushy? Thanks. This place is Vietnamese and Chinese, right?�

Yeah. Vietnamese Chinese.�

�Ok, thanks man. I lived in Asia for 8 years, right? And I loved it, and I had these baby snails, they�re made with this sauce...�

�We don�t have any baby snails.�

�Ah, ok. I was in Taiwan for 2 years. Maybe it was Taiwan where I had them.�

The waiter seemed impatient.

�No, no snails here. And not Taiwan.�

And then he walked away.

�He doesn�t like Taiwan at all, did you guys catch that?�

I actually hadn�t caught it.

�No, to me he just looked busy, is all.�

�No, no, that�s some history right there. That�s bad blood. The Vietnamese and Taiwanese. Not a happy union, with those two.�

�Kell. Let�s order and then I want you to tell me about what you�re up to these days. I haven�t seen you in a year.�

We order, then he leaves for a cigarette, and doesn�t come back for 20 minutes. When he does come back, the dark circles under his eyes are now black.

�It�s not that interesting, about me. I'm West Hollywood�s brokest busboy. And I know why my boss won't promote me. Because they can�t respect a busboy. I know I can wait tables, but it�s like they never even give me the chance. I�m 38. My rent is higher than my actual bills. I live in a studio the size of most people�s bathroom. I keep thinking, what are they waiting for?�

�Well what do you really want to be doing?� I asked him. �Like what would you do if money wasn't an issue?�

�Sales, probably. Because I like people. Or - nothing, I'd do nothing! But Sales, that seems...like such a faraway dream. I guess I would do something where my boss could look me in the eye and shake my hand, and I couldn�t tell that he thought I was a disposable loser. Do you want to try this watermelon slushy? It�s so good.�

�No, not at all, thanks.�

The waiter dropped a few preliminary menu items off at our table, and I sprinkled a grey looking sand mixture into my soup. It was incredible, so I inspected it to figure out what it was. Kell filled me in.

�Oh that's just lemon mixed with white pepper. They serve it all over Asia. Excuse me, I need to go smoke, do you guys mind?�

�Go for it.�

When he walked away, my husband turned to me.

"That's his second cigarette in 30 minutes, is all I�m saying."

�Well don�t be so convinced it�s a cigarette, is all I�m saying.�

�He�s going through a really tough time, so please be extra nice to him ok? I�ll tell you why later.�

�You�re really gonna do that? Can�t you tell me now?�

�I can�t. Later.�

While he was gone, a the basil clams showed up, along with a huge platter of lobster with scallions, kung pao shrimp, yam greens, fried squid, tofu, and noodles with seafood. We requested the house spicy XO sauce, which they won�t bring unless you actually ask.

Kell arrived back at the table and answered a question about fixing his car that I never asked him. I ignored it and changed the subject to what his work plan was.

�I think I�m leaving back to Arizona, where I can move in with my mom. My brother was really pissed off about me leaving LA. He yelled at me, saying I have no life skills and would never amount to anything. I guess I'm a prime example of the great American failure of the last 5 years. I have no woman, no money and no respect for myself.�Sorry, I didn't mean for the dinner to go this way.�

�Zero expectations, buddy. I�m just glad you�re here with us.�

�By the way guys? I only have eight dollars. I�m so sorry.�

�That's ok, you're our guest.�

When he got up to have another cigarette, my husband whispered,

�I only have eight dollars too.�

�You�re very funny.�

�I�m serious.�

�I�ll handle it.�

�Thanks babe!�

�You can just wash their dishes.�

�Ha!�

Kell came back and ordered another watermelon slushy, and insisted we try it. We didn�t. He picked up where he left off with no prompting. I felt like a half-ass interviewer.

�...Or I'd just teach English to the Chinese out here in those little language schools, is what I�d do. God, shoot me - I spent almost a decade in Asia teaching English there, only to end up back in LA to teach it here.�

�You could teach it in Arizona.�

�Hmm. I don�t think there are many Asians there.�

�No, there are. There�s one guy, I met him. Nice guy.�

My husband kicked my ankle. Kell had a coughing fit.

�Guys, I�m so full. Thank you so much. I hope I could be a good first sample interview.�

"The best.�

�This place rocked! Alright, I'm going to go have a cigarette.�

In the morning, Kell kept asking if it was ok if he slept a little bit longer. He seemed stressed. I told him he didn�t have to report to me, sleep all you want. When he packed up his things to leave and came to hug me goodbye, I could tell he had been crying.

Later, after he went home, my husband told me Kell had told him last night that he relapsed on heroin and couldn�t stop because he was afraid to kick it around his family or at work. He couldn�t afford to pay the people he had borrowed money from, and couldn�t make rent. He was essentially destitute, and no one but us knew he was on drugs again. He was moving to Arizona where he could kick away from most of his family and the people that knew him.

�So that�s why he took an hour in the shower last night. Is he ok?�

�Yeah, I didn�t know the full story until I dropped him off. He�s really low. But he wants to get clean again, and he loved being with us. He said to thank you for having him. He really needed to get away and was happy to be here. And he loved the restaurant.�

�You know I didn�t know heroin addicts could eat like that.�

�Well he doesn�t inject it, he smokes it, apparently.�

�Bingo.�

�He also needs 200 dollars, which I told him there�s no way I�m giving him. I did give him 20, though.�

�Well he only has eight.�

�I wish there�s some way I could help him.�

�Just be his friend. And suggest NA, maybe.�

�I told him we love him, and we�re here.�

�We�re really lucky, you know. He�s in hell right now.�

�Yeah I know.�

�Tell him he can call me too.�

�I�ll tell him.�

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