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If the thunder don't get you then the lightning very well might

2011-03-28 - 9:54 p.m.

If the Amish lived in the warmer states, I might fill out an application to become one. I know it's not a commitment to be taken lightly, but I do believe they've made a strong case for themselves over the years, and they're certainly consistent. I was watching a documentary on the Amish last week, and was in absolute astonishment at the level of community built right into their DNA. Someone's barn burns down, and guess what....ten, twenty, fifty, if not hundreds of Amish men, women and children come filing down the hill within hours like (nice, helpful) robots, and build the person a huge replacement house, usually within a week! For free.

In LA, owners of trucks generally shudder at the thought that they might someday be asked to move a dresser for someone.

I'm sure the cons list may outweigh the pros list, but this is at least a start:

Pro - Strong family ties, nice neighborly visits on Sundays, healthy sense of competition (or none at all), no fist fights, safe non-gmo food, can keep tabs on children, can keep tabs on anyone, they use glass jars (safer, plastic tends to leach). No electricity bills.

Con - No electricity, anyone can keep tabs on you, possibly less variance in food supply, not enough competition, have outfit already picked out for day they die, can be ostracized for leaving community, only 3 kinds of books to read and one is called the Agricultural Almanac.(actually a good pick). So far looks like they only reside in very cold climates. Also, their life span is about the same as we have, so for now I'll pass.

I wasn't going to mention the impending doom that has so much of the world squarely facing their own mortality in the eyes, beginning with Japan, in regards to things that rhyme with Shwarmageddon. Or Birthquake. Apparently California is due for one of those. So is every other state, it seems like... so good luck trying to flee anywhere. Last week I was worried about the US dollar collapsing, and the worst case scenario in that event. It's one of those things you can't NOT think about - especially when people like Gerard Celente claim that LA will likely resemble Calcutta in the near future, and your husband says "don't think like that". Naturally I went on thinking like that until I made us both tired. On one of those particular days last week we were hiking with the dogs and I really "had" to think about how I would feed us all if Los Angeles turned into "The Hills are Alive with Hill People". I looked around the trails and thought about which weeds I'd eat. To start with, we don't even have an emergency kit of any kind, nevermind dry food storage, guns, or even a surplus of water. Or silver bullion. Since I brought it up, my husband pointed to a ravine we could sleep under and then schooled me in the art of how to kill a wild animal and which ones we could eat. It still didn't answer the "who do we team up with in our neighborhood" question. I thought of my immediate neighbors: a young trust fund ping pong playing couple, no thank you very much - a nice enough 40 year old couple with a kid, (maybe, if the kid can run) - and a Mexican couple whose dogs lie in the middle of the street because they don't feel like closing their gate most days. With that kind of discipline, can I really trust them with my life? So far, our team is 2 + 2 dogs. I like power in numbers, although I have never used a gun. My husband wasn't worried. I was relentless.

"But I'm not even that good at video games."

He assured me that wasn't the point, and that I wasn't really that bad at some of them.

As we walked, all the Army/Navy stores I'd ever seen flashed in front of my eyes. Smart people! Even so, I heard you can't live long on freeze dried dinners and astronaut ice cream anyway. It might be wise to begin a Neighborhood food collective and start growing some stuff! Since I tried to grow 2 tomato plants a friend gave me and killed them both last year, I took a sort of hiatus on my gardening. I might begin to re-learn how to grow seeds into nutritious food for cheap, and then take it on tour to very poor LA neighborhoods so we can all learn together. Chances are they would be interested in eating too. I remembered a book I had at home called "Survival into the 21st Century", which was actually written in the 70's and talks about things like growing sprouts on your windowsill in a few days if you're really in need of food quick, and how to survive by practicing staying really skinny. Also, high tailing it out of town by bike if necessary. I have calmed down a little this week, because one, I realized I am always thinking about death to some extent, so why bother obsessing about it? Why not help people who are obsessing about it and poorer than me?

I started reading the book again, and it was scary how history repeats itself - the book was talking about the same things then that we hear about now - Birthquakes, Fshadiation, and World Fwar. Incidentally the author's name appeared on my Facebook feed tonight, so I friended him. I noticed he is still talking about peace, which is probably a good sign.

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