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miss potato head

2004-10-05 - simmer time

Would you like to know what's really not healthy? Having a conversation in your head with someone and when they say "something you don't like", cursing them in your mind. Not that I have.

In the Neiman Marcus catalog that I wouldn't have opened normally, but it had plastic wrap on it so it was like a present, there was this thing where you could by the way I ate two potatoes today fill out this questionaire page, like 'name a verb ending in ing, name a noun,' etc. You don't know why you're doing it until you turn the page and so I wrote my answers in because I had some free time and I thought it would be exciting. No. Their marketing department needs new members. This was the outcome when I opened to the results page.

DICKING AROUND through the TWO POTATOES THAT I ATE FOOLISHLY

In a one SLOTH open sleigh

O'er the GUILT we go

DICKING AROUND AGAIN all the way

bells on GEORGIE ring

making spirits BOILED

What fun it is to DICK AROUND FOR THE LAST TIME

and sing a sleighing song tonight

OHELL!

************************************

they're just potatoes
russets and yams
wasn't like you ate two Xmas hams

Nevertheless.

There's a special whistle that the boys around here have when they know the cops are coming. By now you'd think the cops would know the whistle, it's pretty standard. The rest of the neighborhood certainly knows it. If I were to give them advice, I would say to use natural animal sounds, and only pick animals that don't live in this state. That way you'll confuse the police, not the other animals. You guys could also borrow the hot corn and ice cream guy's Mexican blare horn from his cart. The La Cucaracha song is just annoying enough so that someone will eventually call the cops on him, not you. Just pay him double what he would make in a day sounding that crazy noise maker, and ask him to blow it repeatedly to distract you whenever you're doing your thing.

I almost sold my old car to those fellows. I told them how cheap it was and they were all talk until it came time to pay up.

"Hey, you have two cars?"

"Not if you buy one."

"Yeah, shit I'm gonna buy it!"

"Whoever. Just get some money."

"How much?"

"The high offer is two fifty."

"Dollars? Naw, shit. I could pay you more than that!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll give you three hundred!"

"Maybe you'd want to see the car first?"

"Hell yeah."

********************

the next week the buyer was hanging on the fence with two other friends

"So what happened?"

"What."

"Do you still want the car."

"Yeah, but I got shit to do."

"Well you let me know."

"But I'll buy the car."

"Do you have a license?"

"Yes. No. But I'm about to have me a permit."

Anyway, my mechanic ended up selling it to a guy who didn't mind breaking down a few times here and there. A good sport overall.

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