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host - email - older- newest - profile - notesHooters shouldn't be for everyone. Or anyone. 2004-03-14 - 8:02 p.m. I avoided nearly everyone today. My friend Monica invited me to see a woman speak at an AA meeting, but it was about an hour too far to go. She left three messages but neglected to tell me that the woman was a convicted killer until she was on her way to the meeting, on her cell phone. I would have hup-two-ed for that. I only spoke to one person on the phone today (oh maybe two I don't know I'm burnt) and that person is a regular for me. I only had two real outside conversations today, which is nothing because I'm chatty. THE FARMER'S MARKET Farmer: Hello. Me: Hello. Farmer: How are you today miss? Me: I need the kumquats, where are they? Farmer: Oh here they are. Help yourself. Me: Tell me when I get to 5 pounds. (scooping sound) Farmer: What hey, Whatareyou, having a kumquat party? Me: They got me really high last week, and I want to recreate the high. Also, I have some requests for a pound from some of my connections. Farmer: Good stuff then? Me: They should be illegal, at this rate. Farmer: You say you got high? Me: Laughed for an hour straight.(cracks knuckles) Farmer: You pusher! Older(strange,Tammy Faye Bakerlike) Woman: I would like some kamquits too. I would like to laugh like her. I whispered in her ear the other thing they did to me, and when I came back the bin was empty. THE LAUNDROMAT Homeless (but clean) guy: What are you doing? Me: Laundry. HBCG: Do you want a donut? They're free here. Me: No. And I know. HBCG: I'm on a diet. Except these. Where I lost (puts up 4 fingers) 33 pounds. (whispers) Science! Me: That's good. I guess the donut is a free non counted item. HBCG: Well we must be free and happy in the world, because we never know when someone gonna snatch us up to heaven! Me: Poignant; beautifully said. HBCG: And here's a little soft shoe for you. (he was white) Me: OK thanks, here I go back to my machine. HBCG: And I got $30.00 panhandling in 4 hours. That's - $30.00. 10 minutes later HBCG: (walks up to me, takes two photos out of his "jacket".) Me: Those are hooters girls. HBCG: M'buddy Jack took these. There's a code. You have to ask for a sweet easy. (or something similar sounding) Me: I'm going to try and retain that. HBCG: You should try out before you get old. There's still time for you. Me: Thanks again, I'll do that. HBCG: Really, go. Me: Okay. HBCG: I'm just saying. Me: Have a good one. I've learned a lot. HBCG: (walking away) Me too! previous - next |