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Open letter to my entire family

2008-11-15 - time to put it to rest

To any and all members of my family,

To be clear for all of your sakes, and for God's sake, when I write about you, it's my way of thinking of you out loud. I could make stuff up and paint a picture of you that makes you look better, but who would do that? I might make light of your situation, and likely I often seem like I don't care about you or what you've lived through. I understand that my blogging about you might make me appear flippant or even indifferent. But all of the silicone breasts in Los Angeles wouldn't be more false.

The true reason I scribble in my diaryland journal about your life, my life, or the life of the guy who I just happened to witness being hit by a truck (and he lived, by the way) is because that's what I do, that's what I've always done and that's what I will always do. Since day one I've written about anything and anyone that caught my attention. That just happens to be all of you guys. I care more about you all than most people you will ever know, and if you don't believe that, just wait till the day of my funeral and watch all of my girlfriends remark about how I just cared too damn much, so I started a blog. Yes, I love you. But no one is exempt from my keyboard, unfortunately.

What you need to know is that if what I've written about any of you makes you feel uncomfortable, I will reneg the entry and delete it forever. It's only my take on things, and if I were getting paid for it I'd probably have my facts straight, but since I don't, I might make an error or two as to how much jail time you did, how many drugs you took, how many people in the family you might be feuding with, how much of the family feel you've ruined their lives, or what kind of childhood I had with you in it.

As I told my cousin the other day (who may never speak to me again but I love you too, for the record), please just think of me as the family court jester. And be reminded that our family is a fucking tragic comedy! And that includes me, so please don't think I exempt myself from this journal that has caused me more trouble in the last week than all the years of therapy all of us have ever had, squared.

If in fact, you've given it some thought, and you still believe that my intent is only to be malicious and not the unscrambling factor that I believe this blog to be, then I give up. Because if I judged any of you for being yourselves, then I guess that would make me Czar of family conduct . I certainly wouldn't have agonized over whether you came to my wedding or not. (I did agonize about it, just ask Grandma).

To sum it all up: I'm sorry I hurt you, I will work at considering your feelings, but I am still me, and I would love it if one day the whole fucking family could sit down like adults and say, Yes you're the worst person on the planet, I blame you for anything bad that has ever transpired between me and myself, and there is absolutely a special little nook in hell waiting for you, with a star and a pitchfork on the door, and it's got your name on it in flames. But in the meantime, you are the only family I have, and life is too short for me to spend it hating you, and when all is said and done, I am not the only one that ever knew what it was to live through all of our family hell, because you were there, on the opposing side of me, living it too.

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