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2008-06-10 - 9:02 p.m.

I'm getting married. Which is not why I haven't been here in so long. It's because I haven't felt like it, and I feel a lapse in connection to all my dl friends except for one. Hi coldandgray! It has been such a long hiatus.

If you are planning on getting married any time in the next few years, my only advice is to take a long time to plan it, because you will certainly miss a thing or two. I have invited my entire family, which includes cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, and the few friends I was able to squeeze in given my 75 person limit. I think the majority of my extended family (not counting my immediate family) are not speaking to each other.

The breakdown on a couple of things:

1) Xxxx xxx xxx x x xxxxxxxxx. Not sure I should seat them together.

2) My XXXXX is not speaking to one of my XXXXXXX. I think it's the XXX who is xxxx her XXXX. For the record, I love the xxx, the xxx and my xxxxxx - I just need to get this straight in my head, if that's ok with you.

3) My friend who I've written about a few times here about his 20 year prison term for crimes he didn't commit, will be coming to our wedding. He got out, by the way. I really need to make mention of what he went through and how he impressed the hell out of all of NY and a few other states during that 20 years, but that deserves its own entry.

4) The RSVP deadline was yesterday, but luckily I got a few replies by Myspace, text message and word of mouth. I'm still waiting for a sort of messenger pigeon to come and deliver the rest of them.

5) I don't know what it is that brides are even supposed to do at their wedding. If I didn't think I would offend everyone over 60, I would likely change into a nice cottonball clothpiece and let everyone under 9 give the speeches. I thought that my toast to everyone could be written on a piece of paper and handed to my husband to read while I hide behind him. Including the toast to my husband.

6) I am really worried that there will be a family fist fight at my wedding. Secretly, I hope there will be one.

7) Miscellaneous worries I have: What if the vegetarians aren't happy with the vegetables, what if the emcee mispronounces people's names, how does the dj roll his dj cart from the outdoor ceremony to the cocktail hour before the people get there, what if no one's hungry after the cocktail hour, why is our bride/groom table in the front of the room like an aquarium exhibit, why can't we just blend in with everyone else like we're a guest too, who will break up any fights...

these are only the ones I could bear to tell you.

I am as happy as a girl could be to be marrying the man that fills me up like a golden glass of (nonalcoholic) wine.

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