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the five party

2007-06-29 -

On my fifth birthday I was surprised and delighted to find out there was going to be a party thrown in my honor. The day of the party, I noticed candy, food, balloons and 20 friends had shown up, some of which I had forgotten I had. The only response I ever got to �Can I have some candy please� was �There�s fresh fruit in the fridge�. At our house, sugar was considered sacrilegious.

I had two red headed friends in attendance at the party, which was the greatest thing ever, because most of the people in my family were brunette or blonde. Two redheads at one event and you never know what kind of fiery excitement might come your way. I had on a patchwork dress that went down to the floor, and long hair like Rapunzel. When one friend I actually recognized walked in, I ran up to her and hugged her and started unwrapping the present while she still had it in her hands. It was a scarf! It had purple �

�Ohell! Why don�t we wait till later to open the presents? That�s not okay.�

I didn�t see the crime in doing whatever came naturally.

A little while later, I peeked into the living room and saw my mom sitting Indian style in a circle with 12 of my guests, all slapping their knees like drums and going on a �bear hunt�. All of them looked invigorated but scared at the prospect of an actual bear accosting them in their retarded travels. I could not possibly have been bothered with these shenanigans. Didn�t they know their leader here was the same person who made us go to midnight mass three short weeks ago, on CHRISTMAS night? The only angry bear we were privy to was my step Dad who was never once in a good mood after he came home from a full week of putting out fires.

I could not believe this choo choo train behavior they had � it was completely unbelievable, so I went into the other room to assess the snack situation. While grazing on a stale popcorn ball undoubtedly leftover from Halloween a few months ago, I noticed an illustration of a donkey taped to the wall. Once the bear nonsense ended, which in itself made me very uncomfortable, I noticed a second party shredder beginning on my left, involving pinning a tail on that wall donkey. This also seemed completely beneath me, but I played along for a minute, wondering who this was supposed to be more memorable for: the towering skyscraper people spinning everyone toward nausea, or all the little blindfolded victims in their path. I voiced my concern over not being able to see anything once my bandana was on, and I was assured that this was the idea.

�I shouldn�t spin like that, I�ll get sick.�

�We�ll just spin you a little bit, honey. Come here.�

�But then I can�t seeeee - ow.�

�Ohell, knock it off � let�s go. Everyone else is okay. No one else got hurt from spinning, it�s just air. If you walk toward where you think the donkey is, and you pin the tail on him correctly, you�ll win a surprise.�

Well why didn�t anyone SAY there would be a prize!

�Will it � did you say it would be a prize or a surprise?�

�Ohell, let�s go now. The other kids are waiting.�

They could wait till next year, I was going to win. I was going to get the closest that anyone could come to sticking it to that donkey, and I was going to win the prize and be the best at the party. Maybe even in the entire world.

I tilted my head slightly so that I could see where I was to pin this special, magic tail. My winning target point was just above where my arm would be. There was no way I could lose this one, and to make matters better, all of my friends were suddenly cheering me on. I peeked one more time to assess the distance, and �

�Hi Jody! I didn�t know you were even here!�

�Ohell are you peeking?�

�No, I already saw her before. Ready!�

Someone with huge hands adjusted my bandana way too tight and I started toward the sure path to the donkey�s ass. I wondered what I could possibly win that I hadn�t already seen hidden in my mother�s closet earlier.

�Wait, we need to spin you around again first. Come here, Ohell. Ohell, come here!�

�I can�t come there. �Cause I can�t see you.�

After my fourth spin, I staggered slowly toward my objective and quickly pinned the tail on the spot I had illegally seen just one minute before. I ripped off my blindfold and threw it toward the bear herder.

�Me!�

�Oh look, she tagged the piano! Isn�t that cute?�

�I need to go again. I wasn�t ready that time.�

�Sorry, one turn per customer.�

I felt a fierce burning resentment rise up from my toes to the barrette on my head like a wild brushfire. I would avenge this injustice.

I forgot all about it when they brought in the best looking lit up cake I had ever seen. It had all kinds of multicolored candy pieces on it, and I wanted to stick my entire head in it and just lick it up with my cat next to me, helping. I figured my mom would tell me that was not okay, so I didn�t. This was definitely more chocolate than I had ever seen in the past year total in our house, except when my Grandmother -

�- Make a wish, Ohell!�

I couldn�t believe I could wish for anything and it would come true! Hundreds of images filled my head. A new Gus the Gorilla, twice as big as me, and easy to hug. I already asked, once he died, there was no replacement. Dolls. I wasn�t allowed to have any. Silly putty. Not big enough. Makeup. We�re not going to train you to be a sex symbol. I frantically searched my mind for only one thing I could have fun with all year.

�� birthday to you, happy Birthday dear Ohell...�

I mouthed to my mother �Can I wish for two things?� She mouthed back �Not okay.�

A beautiful dress from 1900 popped into my head. It seemed like it would be a good thing to have, for some reason, so I wished that I could be dressed in one someday. Once I blew out the candles, I regretted that I wished for a dress and not something good like some more candy to keep in the house. Then I made a second wish for the candy too, just for good measure. My birthday, do what I want. And a kind of hazy sugar magic fell over all of us, maybe just me.

To make sure no one else tried to pull any more funny games with my friends, I quietly told them that we would be trying to contact the dead in my room, (aka: my biological father) and to come with me now. I brought all of them into the room, or the seven that I liked best that would fit around my bed, the ones that I thought could handle it � and then just made it up as I went along. When I had made sure that everyone had closed their eyes, I flicked the lights a few times and jumped back to my spot. It only scared one person. I don�t remember what we said to summon anything into the room, but from what I remember the only one who showed up was my mother, who was speechless for the first time the whole party.

�Mom, should we have another bear hunt?�

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