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Exes and Grows

2005-06-01 -

Dear Giddeon Cruz, (not your actual name)

I know you were kind in saying that I could write anything I wanted about you or us after we broke up. I really wanted to, but I was simply heartbroken. Anything I wrote about you would have been pure venom or just me working out my anger and frustration onto ears and eyes of those who didn�t need to know how screwed up I really was a year ago. Plus, I�ve never really appreciated pansy guys who were overly emotional about a breakup. I didn�t want to know about it. That�s one definite and positive aspect of breaking up � you finally get to tune the other person out forever. Never mind listening to them tell you how much you�ve hurt them while you�re trying to get down with someone else � someone with no issues, baggage, problems, or really anything except pure fun and possibility. Yet.

I will probably use scenes from our relationship in my writing from time to time, only I will always look just a little bit better than you. Also, I really was happy for you when I heard (psychically knew) you were engaged to be married in a few months. I pretty much never wanted to be the girl who prepped you for the next one, but God knows she was persistent, and she deserves you. She deserves a lot of things, but that�s just me tangent talking.

I think this is more of a letter to myself. I didn�t know it would happen this way, but I woke up a few weeks ago, and I was over it. I am finally free to move about the cabin. There is no more what ifs, or why dids. It doesn�t matter anymore, and you and I can now be friends. Maybe not the kinds of friends that can go out dancing every weekend, but you get the idea. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, it will have to be hers. Forever and ever and ever. Till the end of time. And once she moves in, you will have every day for the rest of your suddenly seems much longer life to talk and eat and cry and tantrum and all the things you�ll be doing together. Forever. A ha ha ha haaaaaa! I�m totally half kidding.

But really. If you need anything (above the belt) you really can call. Because even though you had a big part in entirely screwing up our relationship and annihilating me, you are really a great individual. That hasn�t changed. You�re just a guy trying to live out a complete and meaningful enough existence, given the circumstances you�ve been given. I know that. So that�s why I waited the year to get myself back together enough so that I could tell you that I�m glad we spent the time we did, and that I don�t take back anything I ever told you. Except that you�re the only one for me. I did mean it at the time.

I recently found a list I wrote two months after we broke up and I was going to send it to you, but then thought better of it. Here it is anyway.

RULES FOR THE NEW GIRLS IN YOUR LIFE

1) No overlap name calling. Includes Sweetness, Nugglet, Nugget, Sexy, Georgeous, Baby. I guess that leaves Hey You. Just think of a new one. Because if I�m out and bump into the two of you, and I hear you call her one of these, I will still answer to it.
2) When referring back to me, �The one that got away�, �My biggest regret�, �The love that was my life/breath� are all acceptable substitutes.
3) I broke up with you, not your cat = he loves me, not her.
4) Somewhere in your house I may have hidden a pair or two of my panties. I�m not telling you where, and it would look suspicious if you mentioned it to her now. She�s a woman, so I know she�ll find them before you do. I�m not sorry in advance.

I think that�s it. I�m very proud of you for working through all of your problems in less than a year. I never could have done that. I will always think fondly of you for the most part, and wish you nothing but the best of everything, whatever that includes, I don�t really have time to list the best of everything. I think you know what I mean. I�ll only say this once, but being single is actually pretty great, now that I think of it. Thank you for that too, I guess. I won�t be at the wedding, obviously, but if I was at the wedding, my present would be two dancing midgets for the two of you. And I don�t even know why. Farewell, my once unthinkable friend, and may God shine down upon you both till death do you part.

Love Always,
Ohell

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