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with love, ohell
2005-04-12 -
Dear Mrs Purdy:
I just wanted to tell you that I don�t hold it against you anymore for being physically abusive to us when I was one of your students (victims) in your third grade class. I still remember vividly the time you stabbed my arm with your keys to get my attention, and just so you know, I did go home and mention it to my mother. She just kind of shrugged. Anyway, there were three kids playing outside my window tonight, and instead of saying anything to each other, they yelled every word! Can you believe it? I already have pierced ears Mrs. Purdy! I was curious to know if you knew of any other subtle maiming techniques you could pass along to me. And you shouldn�t have been that way with me, I only had Attention Deficit Disorder.
Dear Nasir,
You are doing a stellar job of running the warehouse, but it�s unbelievable. Not unbeliebable.
Dear John Smith,
Im having a fuck of a time finding you in the phonebook. Dear Pope John Paul,
Just how many of you were there total? Dear creators of the songs �Old Time Rock and Roll�, and �Shout� (as in you make me wanna),
I really wish you hadn�t. Every town in every state has been repeatedly playing these two hit shredders for decades at any gathering where there isn�t any booze or people with any sense of soul. Just thought you�d like to know. Dear Sen. Hillary Clinton,
Just who wears the pants around your house, anyway? Dear Bill Brecksteen who tried to sell me a bootleg copy of the new movie �Monster In Law�,
Oh no thanks, it sounds awful clever, but I�d prefer to keep my three hour appointment with DMV. To the New Juice Maker Javier,
They�re not giving you tips because you�re not making it fast enough. Hang in there, you�ll get it. Dear Mark,
It turns out you were wrong. I found one like you, and at least another two just a little better. To the boy next door,
I�m sorry but six and a half is a little too young for me.
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