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rules of elimination

2004-08-30 -

Where else can I go with this but here? Looks like Buckets Of Rain/Bob Dylan and In the Summertime/Mungo Jerry and are cousin songs, it's pretty clear to me at this pont. Do these two know each other? I'm thrilled by the connection.

I was showing Georgie some pictures of my family today, even though we had a lot of work to do. I try to mesmerize her with show and tell sometimes, especially when I'm ready to kick the desk in, out of boredom. She's such a diligent worker (when she's not talking about cutting or hurting someone) and she's usually the first one to say we better get back to work. Give me one good reason why, besides losing our jobs. We work hard, and follow all the guidelines for indoor labor, for the most part, except when we take too long to get back into the swing of things. Who will care in five years is all I'm saying.

I showed Georgie the photo of the only Jew in my entire family, my Grandfather by process of elimination. My Grandmother either left my biological Grandfather first or he died of alcoholism, so either way he was eliminated. This particular Grandfather is obsessed with his army days (like 60 years ago) so when I went to snap his picture last week, conveniently he had his military hat within arms length (at the kitchen table) and insisted on wearing it. A nice touch, to nothing in the surrounding photo resembling an army camp. He doesn't practice Judaism,(in front of me) but I wish he would so we could do the four questions, or make a matzoh recipe.

My mother used to take me to her favorite Jewish family's house that she was good friends with, the Mejakofsky family. They were an interesting lot, they had two kids, or she had two kids, Mrs. Mejakofsky. Her husband was eliminated as well, or was just never there when I came over. He probably escaped, Mrs. Mejakofsky was a hard ass and was always pushing useless propaganda that still hasn't caught on, like the Metric system (Metric books, toys, and videos), and the idea that her daughters were not allowed to drink any liquids until after they ate their entire dinner. And it was straight milk. I didn't follow those rules, I figured they didn't pertain to me, I was Catholic. I also didn't do milk unless it involved cookies. Her kids, Leora and Tali were very compliant to her regime, and I always got stuck playing with Tali because she was my age. I think Tali took her aggressions out in other ways, like making the poison mud pie for the unassuming next door neighbor girl to eat. She actually rubbed her hands together when we were making it.

"Dragons and doom on Lyla. She will die when she eats this pie."

I asked her if she really thought Lyla would eat this pie. But you know how when little kids don't hear you, they just keep talking in a daze? She always did that.

"I have a feeling she will be dead by morning once she eats this mud pie. And I put bugs in it and also some sticks and leaves for her to choke on."

"God, what did she do to you?"

God was the only way to get her to snap out of it, I realized that day.

"Never say God. It's a curse word! You only say Jesus."

"Isn't that God's son? Isn't that a curse too?"

(The real curse is that I remember all these useless dialogs from the seventies)

"No, Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus."

"Ok enough Tali."

"Jesus Jesus JesusJesez JesezjessezzjessesjesuzJeezezs."

One of Tali's friends walked over and we got to talking, and she wanted to know what talents I had, since I wasn't interested in killing Lyla with them. Although I wasn't allowed to watch cartoons at home, I managed to sneak in a few minutes of them in when my mother wasn't home, so I sang a few lines of the opening credit song for Captain Caveman followed by the Pippi Longstocking theme song, which I was allowed to watch. Powerful women who beat up men were ok, powerful men who beat up anyone weren't. My songs were a hit and Lyla got to live.

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