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losing muse

2004-07-29 - 11:32pm

This morning Dedra was screwing with Georgie, and Georgie was making fun of her too, so Dedra said "one day you two are really gonna miss me. One day you really really will." She kept saying it, so I asked her if it would be one day soon. When she walked out, I told Georgie we should make her a booklet with please don't go lyrics and 4th grade drawings begging her not to leave us, and we had a good laugh, ha ha.

So later when Georgie actually came to tell me Dedra had just handed in her two weeks notice, I had a fucking melt down! I thought Dedra was kidding previously, or I wouldn't have joked. Well, yeah I would have. Georgie kept telling me 'No, 'ok - stop crying, I shouldn't have told you yet!'

I actually had to hand my phone to Georgie when it rang, I picked it up but all I could do was quietly cry into it, until she gently yanked it from me.

Dedra walks up behind us a minute too late to break the news quietly, "Umm you guys I have to tell you something," and I think I cut her off with a

"No!" and maybe just a little more crying. Who knew what the hell my problem was? I didn't.

"Why you crying? What is wrong with her? I didn't even say anything yet."

Goergie said 'Well I just told her that you were leaving and so she's sad.'

"Awww! You cryin' for me? Ohh. Yeah, it's - it's gonna be hard."

What was gonna be hard, I asked her.

"Without me here."

Sometimes we have a complete loss of control and it's no one's fault. Maybe it's my mother's, she was a bit of a crybaby. But I used to think that was pretty weak, and I was always so strong and numb. I used to identify with my five stoic brothers, those Irish Italian Stallions. Now I'm a sissy waterhorse.

So our entire dept. came up to talk to her about leaving. Since my supe had already known, she was over the shock. Dedra has been at this place 12 years! Seriously, time to go. I could see it really touched her that I cared, but once that thought registered, she pointed at Georgie.

" Well I guess it hasn't hit bean burrito yet that I'm leaving."

She wanted me to come into her office, possibly so she could really experience to what depth I would miss her. I still didn't realize why I was crying so much. I guess I think more of her than I let on the past couple of years. I told her all about it and it made her cry too.

"It's not right. I mean good for you to get a good gig, but I'll really miss you, and no one will take your place."

So now she starts crying with the tissue to her face.

"I write about you all the time! Now who the hell am I gonna write about?"

"You write about me? Really?"

"Everyone loves you here, even me, I've imitated you to people you don't even know. They love you. You're the most colorful person here! And not because you're black."

"Ok mmmnt. Now you gone and dried up my tears."

"No but really, it's just because no one's gonna replace you Dedra."

I mean I broke down. She wanted to round everyone up to go outside and talk about how we were going to miss her. She only managed to catch up with Georgie.

"Ok, I didn't see a tear from you yet."

Georgie said it would hit her later.

I eventually peeled myself out of her office, but before I could hit the doorknob,

"Do I get a gift?"

"At the party."

"Oooh! I'm gettin' A party! Can I ask for three things then?"

"You're more than welcome to ask, but you won't be getting them from me. Maybe from everyone, collectively."

"Mmmnt. She said you won't get them from me. That is bootleg."

I called her a few minutes later to ask her what the three things were, and she said she couldn't think of anything yet. Three more minutes later, she ran into our dept. and said she wanted a prayer shawl, but for some reason she refuses to pronounce the l in shawl. No one knows what the hell that is.

I was talking to Georgie later about the time when you're in grade school, and it's the end of the summer, and school is starting again; there's this weird cold front that moves in and you kinow that even though it's a natural progression, you're certain that once again, things are really never going to be the same.

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