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only cats have 9 lives

2004-02-02 - 5:09 p.m.

Be careful what you wish for, you might get it. That's all I'm saying.

I love mostly everyone about once a month. For a week. You get it , I think. I get sad for people, sometimes, and I feel bad for old people who dye their hair, and who look slow/sad/what have you. I wanted to start a website, backofthehead.com - it started because I was in a meeting and this older guy was sitting in front of me, and he had dyed his hair brown/red, and it was grey at the roots! And I got so sad at that, I started to tear. He had a sad head! I never saw his face. Then I started to notice all the backs of heads, and many were lonely. It was almost too much to bear, because it said so much. I told someone about it, who laughed and laughed. And laughed. It happened today too, but with a girl in my office I work closely with. I think she may be getting fired, and she seems so much more human to me today. She is trying to buy a house with the guy she's been having problems with for years, and I feel like saying, NO! Don't do it, you may not be here next week. (By the way, she's been there 3 or 4 years) I keep looking at her, and she always looks up and catches me, and smiles at me. She's used to me goofing off, but not looking at her from different angles (b'cause I may never see her again).

And while we're on the topic, I might as well mention one of our outside sales girl's brother died in a car accident in Barstow last night. Drug addict. Was driving some people in his car, and one of the tires was bad, so, being like any good addict (he's 40) he calls his Mom to wire him money to fix it. He never made it to Western Union to get the money. Neither did the guests in his car, apparently. So all day, you can imagine, the phrase heard most was, life is short.

I hung out with my girlfriends yesterday. First my friend Artemisia who has the cutest kid (with the biggest tush.) He's a year and a half old, and really amazing and bright. All he really says right now is Wow. Wow. But with such oomph. He went to kiss me and I instinctively turned my head to give him my cheek but he fought for my lips, and he kissed me.

Later I went up the coast w/ another girlfriend Rochelle and we walked on the beach in Zuma and talked about the last epiphany I had and that I'm probably about to have another one. I met her on the plane going home to NY a few years ago, and I had just lost my mother and was living in the desert in Ca. very miserable in a bad way. She was more the princess breakable small hands type. She kept breaking out her compact and wouldn't eat. I had her crying after I told her the deathbed story about my mother and some other tearjerkers I managed to remember. We stayed in touch except for last year when I stopped speaking to her. She was dating my roommate and we all ended up hating each other. He took all her money and left her. Then a few months after we stopped speaking, she called me and said she loved me, and thinks about me every day. What the hell, I called her and now it's cool again.

It's raining so hard right now that it's actually making people mad.

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