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becoming what you once were, better

2004-11-17 - when it's time to change

A thought came to me the other night that my brother Rory should go back to playing the drums again. He was incessant in the 70�s when we were small and I was subject to every song he sang. In the car, on long rides especially. I remember everything of my childhood, starting age 0, and absolutely nothing of five minutes ago. I remember he would sing these songs over and over in the car until we all knew the words.

Lynard Skynard/Gimme Three Steps
The Beatles/Rocky Raccoon
Charlie Daniel�s Band /The Devil Went Down to Georgia
Billy Joel /Scenes from An Italian Restaurant

As irritating as it could be to hear the same songs go on and on, I was always excited to watch him sing them because what these songs had in common was that they were all stories. He also played the (imaginary) drums and did the mouth guitar. My parents pretty much ignored him after a while, I think they were mostly concerned with finding good places to eat and keeping us busy. I was pretty quiet, unless I was singing along with him or defending myself against his mood swings and insults. I almost forgot he also sang Joe Cocker/You are So Beautiful only he would aim it at me and change the words to You are So Ugly. It was a good time to be six.

We were like a family food chain, I was the littlest fish, so he would take bites at me, because our older brother Bam Bam would take bites at him. Bam Bam was much more physical with Rory, though. because they were boys. Once when Rory was five, Bam Bam tried using a pumpkin as a bowling ball and used little Rory as the bowling pin. He broke one of little Rory�s legs when he tried the pumpkin out, and only Bam Bam and I had a good laugh. Rory was more gifted as a drummer than a bowling pin, and Bam Bam was a great drummer too, but he made a much better troublemaker. The last time I saw him play drums was at his first wedding when he was eighteen, and he grabbed the drumsticks out of the wedding band drummer guy�s hand just after they finished playing a mellow love song by Elvis. My brother turned that band into a hardcore basement band in four minutes, and I don�t think they recovered the rest of the night.

Anyway, I was always very proud of Rory when he played in the elementary school band, even though he didn�t want me hanging around him within 25 feet. Come on, I was there for every practice session since age three. I was two years behind him in school, and at the school band�s show, I just sat in the auditorium next to my parents. I carefully chose the yellow windbreaker jacket I wore to the event, and also a sassy gold elastic string I tied in a bow tight around my neck. I found it wrapped around a wine box at home about an hour before we left, and I knew it was perfect. Even if I couldn�t breathe that well with it. All Rory said to me that day was nice face, or something, because I had a nervous condition that involved me biting my lips repeatedly and now they were chapped pretty bad.

I heard that 40 second drum solo so many times, I still remember it. Which is why I called Rory the other night and played the drum solo on my chair into his answering machine. I feel like if too much time goes by, we all lose sight of the thing that kept us going in our early years, which are usually the things that still make us happy. Turns out I was right, even though he has no recollection of that drum solo.

His message:

Hey ahh the problem with the drums was that � you know, I never was able to take lessons. Uhh it was recommended earlier that I take lessons and um it was nixed. I played in a band, ba ba baa baa - I didn�t really learn how to play them correctly. I would like to get into it, it�s interesting. I�m gonna think about it, maybe I - you know what? What the hell? Why can�t I have a band? How long would it take me to play correctly, if I practiced every day for a year? I could play in a band. I like it. It�s a good idea. I like it. You know what? I kind of want to be a rock star.

When I say the flood gates have opened, I�m not exaggerating. I have spoken to Rory at least three times since my suggestion phone call the other night. The boy is on fire.

RORY � I used to think, no, I'm too old...but whatever. So, listen. I�m not kidding about this.

OHELL- I didn�t think you were.

RORY � I�m really into this. You know what kiddo?

OHELL � What.

RORY � You know what guys in bands get?

OHELL � Chicks.

RORY - Chicks. That�s right. I even know what kind of music we�re gonna play!

OHELL � What kind?

RORY - Blues. Rock and Blues.

OHELL � Yeah, just don�t be one of those old lonely guy bands that just stand there and it�s uncomfortable to be around.

RORY � No check this out. I got this guy who�d be a great singer. He�s like 300 pounds, he rocks.

OHELL � Sounds great. Is he good, or does he just make a big statement?

RORY � No, kid he�s good! Oh yeah can you see it Ohell? I�ll be practicing silly! Can�t stop me.

OHELL � Will you be auditioning them or will they be auditioning you?

RORY � No, they come to me, kiddo! You know I�ll need to kick one of the band members out, before we even start the band. I�ll hire �em , then kick �em out.. OK what should my band name be?

OHELL- How about Butter?

RORY � How about that fake name you used to use to get into bars, how about Skylark?

OHELL � That�s funny. What�s wrong with Butter?

RORY � No, I got it. I�ll get Shivers, I�ll get Shawny Shivers to sing lead!

OHELL � He still smoking dust and doing takedown maneuvers on women?

RORY � The more the better. I�d rather he be high anyway. Better show.

OHELL � You think he�s gonna show up to rehearsal?

RORY � Better he doesn�t. Better show.

OHELL � You gonna tour?

RORY � Nah, I�ll keep it in NY. Downtown only. You watch. Ohell. You think I�m kidding? Watch me in a year. Playing like crazy.

OHELL � Do you know what you�re doing?

RORY � What .

OHELL � It�s called manifesting. You�re basically choosing something that already exists in possibility. Everything you could possibly choose is already done, it�s already been created. You just have to choose it. I�m reading a book on it, I should send it to you.

RORY � Yeah, I�m gonna be in a band, I like it.

OHELL � I know you will.

I know he will.

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