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got till it's gone

2004-10-25 - tenish

Well this has been a painful hiatus. Computers can be the devil�s play thing is all I�ll say. I�ve missed dl and all the beings behind the keyboards. I should tell you I love you. It felt like something evil had me locked in a tight jar and I couldn�t write. It actually made me physically unwell a time or two.

I�m sure a lot of big girl stuff has happened but none of that is on my mind. It�s the little things that I care about. Here are some of the lil tings that have been happening.

Little moment #1)

It rained last night and the little mangy orange guy came back after a month long hiatus as well. He was looking at me to help him from outside, so I gave him some avocado (a no no for cats, but he looks half dead, plus I read a new thing that says they like avocado). He�s starving, homeless and half bald, but a raw vegan life is not in his immediate game plan, apparently. Well that�s all I had. And some olive paste and a cucumber. So today I found out Paul Newman makes cat food. If it�s good enough for Paul and his wife, it�s good enough for my little orange guy with no name.

He don� like dinner parties
He don� like the Oscars
the Emmys
Or even the Arties
Scruffy missing orange patches
Someone moves and he jumps
He got scratches.

He still won�t let me closer than the tip of his longest whisker but I left the screen door open and set up a soft bed on the kitchen floor and he slept in it while it rained. In the a.m. he was gone like a lover who�d regret it when he grew up and stopped to think about it.

Little moment # 2)

Angie confided in me some more of her family�s history today at work. One of her older brothers is blind, which I knew. He hasn�t always been, which I didn�t know. He was shot by some gang guys years ago in their front yard by a bullet that was meant for her other brother, who was not in the yard. He was still in the car, and ran for it into the house. He didn�t get hit, but occasionally he walks miles to our workplace to ask Angie for ten dollars in order to buy a few hits. Sometimes she says no, but tells him to come to her house later and she�ll give it to him. That man takes the bus an additional 15 miles to her house to wash her car and earn ten dollars. I have a soft spot for him. When challenged, he asserts he doesn�t smoke crack every single day, only sometimes. Anyway, the brother who went blind met a woman and had a baby who for some reason was born needing to breathe with a machine inserted into his throat. I apologize, this was supposed to be the little special moments section. Angie�s no sighted brother maintains that he wouldn�t restore his sight again at this point even if he could go through the operation to do it, he�s gotten too used to life this way. He cleans and cooks and attaches the suction hose to his son�s trachea unassisted. And he�s never seen his wife, but the rest of his family tells him she�s cute. Life can be tragic and yet it�s magic.

Special little moment #3)

Just for today, I don�t want any children, ever. It�s nice to be able to say that when one day I may have one and completely love that little bundle of noise. A couple of the guys at work agreed with me. We are all really grateful that things are pretty simple and straightforward, and that no one needs a bottle when we go home. Plus, my supe is always saying �You like spending time alone Ohell? Yes? Well ENJOY it. It won�t last and then you have no choice. Go out whenever you can. Date. Take it from me, I�m never alone. NEVER.� I would like her to take a break and go somewhere alone, but I don�t see that happening ever again in her earthbound life, so I�ll learn from her and hold off on the little people till further notice or an unplanned accident.

Moment #4)

Vicki, who lost her husband a few months ago, promised me she would tell me where he went and how he was taken once she came back to work. She finally told me that although he was bedridden for the last few months of his life and couldn�t get up or even really move, in the last few moments he was alive he stood up and put his arms out and looked up, and then he picked up a towel and said thank you into it, over and over and over. One of Vicky�s relatives tried to grab the towel and stop him, but Vicky told her to leave him alone, he�s trying to die. Directly after that, she said she saw a light come down and take him. She also said she saw Christ and a bunch of colorful leaves swirling around, but that�s not something I can describe for her, I�ll just assume she knew what she was talking about, and leave it there. She started to cry when she told Georgie and me the story, but really she looks happier than we�ve seen her in over a year. Actually every time she walks through I ask her a question that makes her reflect back and cry again, but I swear they�re happy tears. Then Georgie resumes her tirade of anger at those who�ve wronged her this week and we joke that I have a real talent for making someone feel better.

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