last five entries

host - email - older- newest - profile - notes

you can thank hell for little migraines

2004-10-04 - ouch o clock

types of raw foodists

raw vegan. no meat no dairy.

the ones who only eat fruit and vegetables and no lemon, salt, or spices.

the ones who eat raw fruits and vegetables and also raw meat and dairy.

50 - 80 percent raw with the rest being cooked.

fruitarians, no vegetables

breatharians

the ones who eat only raw vegan, no meat and no dairy until the day they eat four meatless chicken patties.

Big deal, life goes on. But I do feel better, I had a migraine for some weird reason most of the day and Quorn meatless chicken slaps were the only thing I wanted. So much so that I began obsessing at 9:30 am through the headache until the nighttime when I found them and made them. This is how we learn. Migraines hurt, and it's only my third ever. Plus the weather is changing and I'm so sad about it. Fake chix makes me feel like Christmas, even though the air smells like Halloween. It felt like the time I went 5 months sober and decided fuck this I'm drinking. But I wanted it to be special, so I got a big bottle of something toxic and located the two most special friends I could find on campus to drink it with. I whispered my ingenious plan to them in the dining room and only one was impressed. He was the one without an alcohol problem. The other was more than glad to participate in my eventual downfall. That was the night I found myself a girlfriend, even though I had a boyfriend on campus (watching us kiss on the lawn) She gave me her frisbee, because she was on the only sports team the school had, the atomic bitches. She wasn't very masculine, but she was very gay, and I was not. Usually. The next day I had to give her the frisbee back because the relationship was over. I told her look, if I could just find a way to stay drunk, I could be yours all the time.

Correction, those chixy slaps didn't make me feel so good after all. I bought a potato too just in case I really wanted to party tonight. I'll have to give that the red light. On the way home tonight I slowed down so that a really big, cute as hell woman with a baby face and a limp could cross the street. She kept turning around and smiling the thank you smile. I beamed back at her. I meant it. She was carrying a soda and had a trenchcoat on and Leif Garrett hair. Cute! I will think about her all night, because she had such a spunky grateful sprit. In my next life, I'll open the window and tell her never to stop being such a doll.

but one thing I'd never say
Is throw that can of soda away
puts you in a sugar trap but
I'm one to talk with my chixy slap

Today I learned that houses built on top of landfills settle and crack, and the owners get flippin mad. Also, that diapers make up most of the trash in the landfills. Where are we going to put all the garbage? Well, everyone could save their garbage for a year, and make sculptures out of it. Or reuse it, or rip it into tiny pieces and whoever does the best with the garbage they have, will get a prize of 3 million dollars.

"That bastard, my garbage looked much nicer than his."

****************************

My brother Rory called last night. Essentially he told me that the rat has the bug.

"You've never hung out with that guy, have you Ohell?"

"I have no intentions of hanging out with that guy, I told Bam Bam that last week."

"Look, I don't want to rehash this (but I think I will) but stay away from that guy. He's dangerous, and he has the bug. "

"The bug. Like the virus?'

"Yeah, look. Don't - just don't say anything. We know it's 100% he has it. "

"Yeah, like I said. I never had any intentions of - how do you guys find that kind of stuff out from 2000 miles away?"

"Just promise me you'll stay away from the guy. He's a f***ing liar, and Bam Bam and me aren't there to talk to him in person. "

"Ok, alright, I promise! I never would have, really."

"Yeah, sorry, I just can't stress enough what a f***er this guy is."

These two particular brothers of mine are seriously like tag team partners. Put either of them together with any of our other blood relations and they are pretty much inspired or mellow, but when they get together, it's an issue. Usually on a major holiday. Like the time they refused to believe the bar was closed one Christmas eve, and threw some punches and chairs to protest that it was really true. My mother got a call asking for bail the next morning and we all had another fun day at the house.

None of the men in my family ever liked the guys I brought home. No one was ever good enough. Even my little brother Rob would ask me why I never brought home anyone he could hang out with and not be embarrassed about. I gave that some thought, but couldn't think of reasons why. I figured if you can't please the people some of the time, please them none of the time. And I brought home the motliest crew you could imagine.

"But they understand me Ma!"

My father didn't get why my boyfriend Ryan was wearing my wraparound skirts. If he would just listen, I would've explained that it was more comfortable for him, that's why.

There was one guy that I was happy about, but we couldn't work it out for varied reasons, one being me trying to get sober, and he picking me up from meetings stoned.

"Have you been drinking vodka?"

"Probably just one. Like two hours ago. Get in."

We really had a good time, and I was sad to see it end, but it did. He used to take beautiful photos and one time he had a photo show with my naked ass in all of them. I invited my parents to the show, and neither of them had ever had the privilege of seeing my nipple rings until this special night. I asked my Dad what he thought of the show.

"At least they're not in your nose, right?"

In fact, this guy wasn't keen on me getting the rings much less filming the procedure for me, but I told him goddamn it I'm gonna have some sober fun in my first year, and if you're not going to film it being done, someone else will. I still have the tape, and the screen shakes because he was so angry about it. Whatever, he had earrings too. Nevertheless, we lost touch for the last ten years. Till yesterday.

"No way, how are you!"

"Good, and I'm a teacher now."

"Like for kids?"

"Yeah, but I'm taking some time off to run for NY state assembly. "

"Very funny."

"I'm totally serious check out my website."

I did. He is. In one photo, he's smiling with Hillary Clinton. Sometimes people really surpise you. I emailed him today that I could tell Hill Rod some stories about you. He emailed me back that Hill Rod could probably tell us some stories too.

previous - next